I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.