Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about.

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!

I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture.

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.

I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen.

Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh.

I actually like talking.

I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.

Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer.

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it.