I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

I haven't had that many women - only as many as I could lay my hands on.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.