A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.

Honor is simply the morality of superior men.

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.

I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.