For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

I know God is real.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.