Laziness has become the chief characteristic of journalism, displacing incompetence.

I sometimes feel that more lousy dishes are presented under the banner of pate than any other.

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.

It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children.

Self criticism must be my guide to action, and the first rule for its employment is that in itself it is not a virtue, only a procedure.

Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.

He resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again.

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.

His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum.

It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children.

No wonder people are so horrible when they start life as children.

Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in.

There was no end to the ways in which nice things are nicer than nasty ones.

One of the great benefits of organised religion is that you can be forgiven your sins, which must be a wonderful thing. I mean, I carry my sins around with me, there's nobody there to forgive them.