You see I'm semi-retired now and don't work all the time, only most of it!

I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward.

In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there.

Well if I was going to describe my audience, it's going to take longer than you'd ever expect, hundreds of years in fact, because there's many of them, all over the world.

You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.

I don't know nothing about communism. But I know the Albanians loved me. Same reason as anyone else loves me. Because I made them laugh.

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

I was born in London, and went to school in Scotland - I used to be dead tired when I got home at night.

All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved.

At my age, the radiation will probably do me good.

But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.

I do play drums when I'm on tour.

I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same.

I owe everything to the army.

I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano.

I used to first go on to entertain an audience. But now I go, and this is really true - I go on to have fun with a crowd of my chums.