Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?