Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.