Craig Ferguson's Quotes

I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.

I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.

I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure.

I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don't believe that anymore. Children of privilege can be just as talented and clever as anybody else.

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.

It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it.

It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy.

Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.

Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.

There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.

They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.

When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him.

Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.

I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.

A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre.

A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.

HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.

Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.'

I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

I realized women and humor were linked very closely.

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.