Funny Quotes

It's funny: I've been very successful and done a lot of films, and I don't really have an agent - I don't really pursue jobs, I let people come to me.

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain.

It's funny, in literature no one ever goes to the lavatory.

One longs to be funny, to make people laugh. Laughter is such a sign of approval, isn't it?

I'm obsessive about the kind of melodrama of getting through the days and trying to make them good and funny and a happy experience. But my feeling towards the fans is that they delivered me from darkness.

The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don't realize that he's really funny.

Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth.

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

When you live in a leading lady's body, which I do, you have to constantly prove that you are funny.

I don't mean to be funny.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

I never said most of the things I said.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest.

There's a story everywhere. Being bored to death someplace is basically a funny proposition. What you have to watch out for is you don't write a boring story about a boring place.

Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.

Scream was great for what it was. For a horror film, it was intelligent, it was funny, it took a laugh at itself.

To be able to make a good living in a challenging medium like soap operas is great. The best is that I get to act and am rewarded for it. And the people I work with are great. Funny, intelligent, hard working. They're all great to be around.

It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.

Mariah is a beautiful and talented person, and I've had a crush on her for as long as I can remember. Every day, my respect for Mariah continues to grow higher. She's a caring, warm and funny person. People have no idea how funny she is! I feel like I've always known she was my forever love.

I remember when I took the role on E.R., I thought, 'I haven't really been able to play a working class woman. I've played girls, I've played funny, but I haven't played a working class woman. That sounds like something I'd like to do.'

I've always enjoyed watching characters that aren't aware that they're doing anything funny. And I think that inherently makes them funnier.

You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else.

I had a friend who, after 25 years of marriage, found himself trying to date again, and it was completely different. Everything had changed, and he had to reacquaint himself. It was funny even talking to him about it. For someone who has been out of the loop, it's a different world.

I think anyone loves to play a character that is either evil to a certain extent or has a real definable character flaw. Those are always really fun, and, I think, funny.

My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with my family, I definitely share one with her - we find the same things funny.

You never saw Peter Sellers the actor trying to make you laugh. All he was doing was the character. What I'm saying is that I don't think you should know you're in a movie. I don't like it when actors are winking at the audience and saying, 'Right, isn't this funny? Are you with me?'

I think when someone who's known for doing drama does a comedy but just tries to be funny, that's a mistake.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

I remember certain people in the audience laughing and I wanted to ask: 'What are you laughing at? This isn't funny.' Now I realize that laughter can come from insecurity. They don't know how they should be feeling.

It's funny with jeans now, because if they don't feel like a pair of sweatpants, I don't have patience for them anymore! I think I'm becoming increasingly lazy.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

The funny thing is, the music that I'm writing now is probably some of the most cutting edge we've ever done. The music that I'm thinking about putting on our next album.

And regardless of the fact that in this country, certainly in the arts, we treat comedy as a second-class citizen, I've never thought of it that way. I've always thought it to be important. The last time I looked, the Greeks were holding up two masks. I've always thought of it not only as having equal value, but as the craft of it, being funny.

I made the choice long ago to write about real life. And life is both serious and funny.

The books are funny and sad, and that's what people respond to.

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

I think 'Breaking Bad' is brilliant. Good drama in the U.S. is also so funny and blurs the line between light and dark.

What has been happening more lately - of course, I also put in my bio, I say I do the voice of Goliath, but some people go - you know, I say something, and it's a funny thing when you work in this business, people will talk out loud in front of you like you're not there.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Being funny, it turns out, is like being a bank. It's a confidence trick. As long as everyone believes in you, you are fine.

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.