Jasper Carrott's Quotes

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.

I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from.

I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.

All I know is that as an audience member, I am less and less inclined to go to the theater.

I don't believe that narrative works when it's trying to teach a lesson or speak a factual truth.

Probably the TV show I've watched the most is 'How It's Made' on the History Channel. I could watch 24 hours of 'How It's Made' and never get bored.