Johnny Vegas's Quotes

I think I'm realising more and more that I've got a job to do and I can't be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much better for it.

I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

I'm loath to use my personal life to promote what I do, but at the same time, I don't like a journalist going away with no more than you could get off Wikipedia, where most of it's invented anyway.

I've always said that with kids' TV that people get stuck in it from drama school but that's not fair because I know myself that when you go in creatively, kids are so much more open to ideas. You're so much freer to mess about and try things.

There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring.

There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.

There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.

We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

Class still matters in Britain today.

Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.

For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.

Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!

Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.

I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.

I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears.

I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again.

I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.

I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole - queuing up, security and lost luggage.

I still give myself the right to be highly critical of others, though.

I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.

I use very few muscles at the best of times.

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

I've always been looking for other people's approval.

I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.

I've got my finger in a lot of pies.