Lewis Grizzard's Quotes

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Show business is my life.